Alright, so I missed The Hills last night on MTV but I caught it this morning on MTV.ca. First of all, Spencer needs to be heavily medicated and put in a large soft room, fed chocolate milk and oreos and then get the $@&% beat out of him.  It’s quite clear those crystals arent doing anything besides possibly keeping the veins in his next from exploding.

What a whackjob! And Heidi. That poor girl She is now 98% Tupperware, 1% android and 1% Joan Rivers.
I enjoy watching The Hills because it distracts me for 30 minutes from diapers, crackers, barbies and Goodnight Moon. Also, because those skinny bitches have the best shoes and I like to imagine myself teetering around in stilletto’s on Rodeo Drive with the biggest problem that I have being if I get to sleep with Brody Jenner or not that night…
Back to real life. I’ll get you next time, Jenner….next time.

Probably Poor Parenting:
Encouraging your child to dance to “My Humps”
Also, please note her fab outfit!

lillienne is 15 months old today!

Dear The People Upstairs;

Hello, how are you? I don’t believe we have every formally met, besides the one time I FINALLY stuck my head out the balcony door and screamed in an upwards direction “What the FACK Are You Doing?”, after you had decided to bang your broom on the balcony for the 70th time that day, after seven days of doing this in a row. Seriously. WTF. “Oh I’m sorry, I didn’t think banging this broom on a metal bar 70 times a day would bother anyone who still possessed the ability to HEAR anything.”
Your broom banging has stopped, thank goodness. You no longer feel the compulsion the sweep your balcony every time it snows and repeatedly bang your broom on the metal railing of the balcony. I thank you, and all the tenants 21 floors below us thank you.
HOWEVER! What is this new habit of yours of dropping metal balls sporadically around your house? WTF is that noise and what are you dropping and wtf is with your butter fingers?
You have also decided that you need to JUMP AROUND ON TWO FEET whenever you are mobile in your apartment. You now make my pictures on the walls shake, and I am I correct in assuming you rent children on the weekends to feed coffee beans and watch them bounce around on your floors and walls? WTF??? Because this is exactly what it sounds like.
You have also decided to cook intoxicating food every night that comes down through my kitchen vent, thus forcing me to try to match the deliciousness of the smells that is overpowering my tomato soup and bagel dinner; like I’m the ginger ale to your champagne. For this, I dislike you even more.
Please be more considerate.
I am listening to you herd elephants in your livingroom as I type. wtf are you always doing up there?

WTF is with Little Chocolatiers – Seriously? Yes they are Little People (or LP’s, or Lizzle Pizzles) and they have jobs. Gasp. This show sounds like a direct Oompa Loompa hit.
WTF, that cookie batter I got from my mom is a potential cankle. 140 calories per cookie. WTF, she might as well gave me a framed photo of the back of my thighs. Thanks, Ma. Although they were yummy.
WTF is with that she-he dude thing woman/man on Deadwood? It gives me bad dreams. And seriously, Westerns aren’t cool.*****

*****Unless it’s that one Back to the Future movie where Michael J. Fox is super cute in his tassled shirt. Remember?